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Polyamory and Change

May 15, 20243 min read

Know what’s weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change, but pretty soon…everything’s different.” - Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes

Being someone who is non monogamous is challenging at times. This is not an easy road to take. 

There are people who don’t understand you. There are constant changes. You have to grow and evolve to be able to have conversations, to be able to understand one another, to be able to deal with the emotions that arise. 

And that’s just the work you’re doing on you. 

To add to it, you are also in conversation with your partner/s about what they are dealing with, what support they need, and the dates that they are going on. 

And some of y’all have kids, too! 

My point is, being in this lifestyle whether it was your choice or whether you feel this is just who you are, comes with many opportunities for growth (or as my mom would say, ‘another f/cking growth opportunity’).

But guess what?

This. Is. Your. Super. Power. 

I’m reminded of the quote by Heraclitus, “The only constant in life is change.” 

NM provides an amazing opportunity to be adaptable, to learn, to grow;

which is a life mastery skill. 

NM provides an amazing opportunity to be adaptable, to learn, to grow; which is a life mastery skill. 

I have had hundreds of conversations with people in the NM community and what I have noticed, especially when people have been in multiple relationships for years, is the amazing resilience, understanding, compassion and grace that they take on change. 

These humans have practiced and mastered the one true constant in our lives. 

So although it is easy (and totally understandable) to get caught up in the minutiae of life,  what I want to give to you is that this is what there is to be dealing with to have you be the person that you’re becoming. 

What you’re dealing with right now, this is the practice ground for the courageous, loving, strong, compassionate human that you are transforming into. 

This isn’t to say that you are not those things already. And this is also not to say that what you're dealing with isn't hard or that you need to find the lesson right now.

This is to say that whatever you’re experiencing is an opportunity to up level all those things about you that makes NM great and workable. 

So my question to you is, with whatever it is you’re dealing with, what is the lesson here? How is this making you even better than you were before? How is this going to make your relationships stronger?

Just remember, YOU get to say how your life goes. 

To quote another amazing human, my mom, “You are never stuck.”

Keep loving my friend. 

Questions to consider:

What if practicing consensual non monogamy was your access to being a better human?

What if by expanding your capacity to love, you don’t just get better relationships, you get to be a better you?

*** Take what works and leave the rest. ***

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Elizabeth Ann Cunningham

Elizabeth Cunningham identifies as queer and polyamorous and has been working and studying in the field of gender, sexuality and relationships since 2008. She worked with a Domestic Violence Center for three years after graduating from the University of Kansas with degrees in Political Science and Gender & Sexuality. In 2014 she determined that she wanted to help people get into healthy relationships rather than out of unhealthy ones. She began training as a transformational coach and started coaching people in her own practice in 2017 where she has worked with people 1:1 and in her program Love Deeper. You can also find her at the online events she organizes every year, her podcast Queer & Poly with her partner Li, and her IG (@elzcunningham) for Friday Live Love Tips and her YouTube Channel!

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